The next jewel I found was a post about electricity. I like it because I was so scared of these electrical boxes when I was younger.
Electricity: The Meanest Utility on the BlockNearly every house we walk past has a large electricity box (unit? housing? doo-dad? I'm useless) the size of a small dog house planted in the front yard. There is an ominous warning label on the outside that looks like this:
I love how aggressive and angry they make electricity look in this picture. It gives you the impression that electricity has the same disposition as a rabid, ill-tempered, hungry wolverine that will sucker punch you from behind without warning or provocation. These electrical boxes are double reinforced and locked with one of those huge locks that can withstand a bullet from a .45 Magnum. You would seriously have to be MacGyver or a bored raccoon to get the thing opened and expose yourself to possible electrical harm. Instead of making electricity look like the bad guy, I think the label should show an apologetic blob of electricity saying, "Dude! I tried to warn you! This is all on you, homie." The person smoldering on the ground would be wearning a dunce cap.
Me at night with the slightest little pain in my abdomen area:"Oh crap, is that my appendix exploding. I think it just ruptured. Yep, i'm almost positive it JUST ruptured. But i have no insurance!! Ah heck, Mitch, just lay here and die. You can't afford to live"
"Wait a minute.....what tha......is that a pain below my belly button.....yes.....it IS rather sensitive there. Ah CRAP mitch, remember when Joey on friends had a hernia? That's where he said it was!! Check to see if there's a bump there (scanning entire abdomen area.......................still scanning) Wait a minute........yeah....yeah i can feel something there(currently performing the "Crunch Test". Flexing my stomach to see if it hurts anymore when i flex). Crap, i have a freaking Hernia. Again i tell myself. Just lay here and die, you can't afford to live"Good News!! I'M NOW INSURED!! THANKS STATE FARM!!!!
Now. I had my favorite one here at the bottom but then I realized.... who is still reading this, anyway? So I am saving it for a little later this week. I will also post an embarrassing story about me that is... awesome. :) See ya!
4 comments:
haha i love the one about the guy with no health insurance! the picture is amazing! i think im coming to co at the end of march! hooray! i must see you then! i miss you, i hope you are doing good!
Ha ha those cracked me up! I can't believe that was Wally's little girl!!! I have cousins who can't even talk at 3 let alone 2...not mention naming all 12 apostles! I don't even know if I could do it!!! ha ha Keep the blog gems coming Jenn!
one night me and my friend Bryce wanted to do something fun so we decided to climb the those red/white radio towers with the blinking lights. we parked on the side of county line and hopped 3 different fences with 'no trespassing' signs and warnings. we got up to the tower and a 5 foot lighting wolverine spark like the one in the picture shot out and hit Bryces hand. His finger was white and smelled like burnt flesh. so we didn't get to climb the 500 foot towers at 2 in the morning thanks to that freaky rabid voltage.
Of course you are scared of electricity boxes! Who do you think made you scared of them? haha just kidding I am sure you were scared of them all by yourself, but I probably didn't help the fear much:)
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